Monday, October 19, 2009
Eulogy of Dorothy P. Lembach – October 19, 2009
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Dear family and friends,
Today is a very sad day for us to realize that Dorothy Marie Phelan Lembach is no longer with us.
Yet, we want to remember how wonderful she was in every sense, celebrate her life and realize that she has gone to her reward in heaven.
Dorothy was born in 1917 in the city of Rochester, raised on Melville Street and was the eldest of five children.
Mom always cherished family. It was a focal point of her life. First, with her parents and siblings, and then continuing when she married and raised her own family. She was very close with all of her siblings but it was a special relationship with her sister Margaret that began the life long adventures of the Dolly Sisters; many of whose exploits were recounted and captured in a memorable scrapbook distributed at Christmas time a few years ago. It contained many happy pictures of family and Dorothy including as a teenager with a family pet cat named Minniehaha.
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to have been a teenager during the Great Depression and being the eldest child, but she certainly passed on to her children the philosophy always to be thankful for what you have (“count your blessings”), not be wasteful (especially with food) and to show charity to others. Mom taught us kids to be respectful, considerate of others and self-reliant (and maybe by example, a little stubborn too).
Mom met dad while both were working at Kodak. As he told his version of the story, learning of mom’s propensity to arrive late to work, offered to give her a ride along with his other two passengers. The next day, all were late to work!
And so began a nearly 60 year marriage to John that produced six children, seven grandchildren, one great grandchild and a life time of love and happiness together. Mom and dad were married in Rochester in 1941 returning to Baltimore where he worked in the shipyards during WWII and where she gave birth to John Jr.
She went on to have five more children; thankfully one of them was a daughter to balance out all of the boys. Perhaps Dorothy’s most well known role was that of mother. Raising, cooking, cleaning up after and teaching six children is not something that anyone can imagine doing today. She always encouraged (yelled at) us to do our homework, sit up straight, eat our vegetables and scrub (brush) our teeth. Mom had the most curious habit of calling out five of the children’s names except for the one she was looking at or addressing; and then saying “you know who I mean or you know who you are.” She and dad sacrificed many things to make sure the kids had everything including a parochial school education.
Dinner was always served at 6:00 sharp. All of the food was served at precisely the same time and hot. The kids were organized to do chores including set the table, peel the potatoes and wash and dry the dishes. How else could a household of eight be run?! Mom’s love of family was abundantly displayed during holidays. For decades, she hosted and cooked Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners for a crowd. While not a gourmet cook, everything was always delicious and only she could make a dish that good. Legendary and unduplicated was her trademark gravy.
Dorothy had a sharp mind. She won the Bishop’s medal in high school for her knowledge of geography. Dorothy was a family encyclopedia of birth dates, anniversaries and events. She could tell you a date and year but it might take awhile to get the answer after she recalled a number of preceding events to come up with the answer. She had a unique quality of remembering what was important to you and what was going on in your life. Dorothy always remembered everyone’s birthday, anniversary and at Christmas, by sending a card or gift.
Following in her mother’s (Grandma Phelan’s) footsteps, mom became the Phelan family matriarch. Her qualifications for the role could have been credited to a number of reasons. Whether it was her seniority, her inherited ability to move mountains and groups of people with the “Phelan finger” or “the look,” the wisdom repeated in Grandma Phelan’s home spun Irish sayings, or possibly in the often overlooked talent as peacemaker; or probably all of the above. She believed that everyone should get along regardless of their differences; we are after all, family.
Dorothy was very social and civic minded. She enjoyed working as an election inspector for many years. She served as a den mother for a young pack of cub scouts. She also enjoyed dancing in a social club, first ballroom and then square dancing – outfits and all.
Dorothy had many interests including gardening and reading books from the public library, especially murder mystery novels by Dick Francis. She liked to travel, always one vacation a year with the kids somewhere, a 25th anniversary trip to Hawaii, then Florida for many years, a visit to Arizona, and a 50th anniversary trip to seven European countries. Dorothy enjoyed solving crossword puzzles, at which she was quite accomplished.
Some things that I remember in particular about mom was that she a gracious host and so considerate of others. She was compassionate, loving and comforting. Her laughter and good humor complimented her intelligence and wisdom. She valued family, her Irish heritage, and “the cousins” in the old country. She had a strong belief in, and drew strength, from family. For many years on a summer Sunday after church, she packed up the picnic basket and family to meet the cousins at the beach or park. One year, coming to visit me in New York City for Thanksgiving, she even carried a frozen turkey on the train. Mom always knew the value of using coupons to stretch a dollar. Mom was cute and never gave anyone a problem as she was really “just a pussycat.” We often traded variations of a Grandma Phelan saying, “if it’s meant for you, it won’t go past you.”
Dorothy was a worrier. I often said that if she didn’t have something to worry about, that would worry her too. She always wanted her children to be happy. She was concerned for everyone’s health and happiness – and that’s why she worried so much. Dorothy always was teaching, especially by example – to get along with each other, and towards the end of her life, to make our peace when we die. I imagine that this is what she prayed for at church every week, and nightly when she said the rosary. Dorothy had an intestinal fortitude and unshakeable faith that guided her through life; and saw her through difficult times.
She enjoyed her golden years with dad by spending the winter months at the Burgundy complex in Bradenton, Florida for nearly 20 years where she made many new friends. Both were quite the social butterflies enjoying many activities (dances, dinners, swimming, cards) and especially their friendship with Bea Haney. After dad passed in 2001, mom moved into the Legacy independent living community. Life was grand at “the palace” where the “queen” held court. She truly enjoyed her time and friends at the Legacy, especially her dinner companion Yohanna (who in true Dorothy form, she often referred to as Akiko, a former neighbor and dear friend). The queen was renowned for her farewell wave to departing family and guests from the balcony of the palace apartment.
All throughout her golden years, a guardian angel named Stevie watched over her and dad. Steve was their support system and life line. He helped out around the house, chauffeured to doctors’ appointments, and provided advice and comfort. Stevie was always there to check up on mom, and always tried to evoke laughter by using his Irish wit and charm (or spewing a bit o’ blarney). There is no doubt that Dorothy’s quality of life was vastly enriched by the love and dedication of her guardian angel Steve. Mom was, and we are all, thankful for his many, many years of love, support and sacrifice.
She was known by several names: Dorothy, Dot, Dottie and Doe.
She had many relationships and meant so much to us all including: Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother, Sister-in-law, Mother-in-law, Aunt, Grandmother, Great grandmother and friend.
Let us recognize and honor her legacy to us; love, laughter and intense love of family. Let us all set aside any differences that we might have, and any distractions, and focus on what is truly important in life. Let us put into practice in our own lives what she has taught us.
We are blessed to have had her in our lives for 92 years and we are the better for it.
She was, and will continue to be, “the wind beneath our wings.”
God bless her and may she rest in peace for a job very well done. Amen.
